Thought Distortions: Some Common Forms of Negative Self Talk

A client tells me that her “mean brain” often takes over her thoughts. What she means by this is that she often falls prey to her irrational and biased ways of thinking, her Inner Critic. This negative self-talk is often grounded in emotions rather than facts, which is why we call them thought distortions. These thought distortions, also known as cognitive distortions, are biased ways of thinking that can reinforce negative thought patterns, contribute to emotional distress, and negatively impact our behaviors. Even more, this negative self-talk can lead to anxiety, depression, a loss of self-esteem, and a reduction in self-compassion.

So, where do they come from?! It isn’t that we LIKE to be mean to ourselves; we don’t necessarily make a conscious choice to think negatively about ourselves or the world around us. The reality is that we are TAUGHT how to think. It is modeled for us in our family of origin and expressed in narratives we grew up hearing. This might include messages like, “It’s never okay to be angry,” “If you aren’t perfect, you have failed,” “The world is unsafe,” or “You can’t trust anyone.” While these thoughts or limited thinking patterns are often deeply rooted, we can develop tools to counteract them. We can learn new ways of thinking and break these seemingly automatic (and often extreme) thought patterns.

However, before we can move into developing the tools to challenge our distorted thoughts, we must first be mindful of how our own cognitive distortions manifest so that we can recognize them and begin to quiet our own inner critic.

Here are some of the most common thought distortions, as well as examples of how each can be reflected in our self-talk.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Also known as black-and-white thinking or polarized thinking, this distortion involves seeing things in absolute terms. If something isn't perfect, it's viewed as a total failure. Additionally, all-or-nothing thinking can lead to extremely unrealistic standards for yourself and others, which affects your relationships.

Examples…

"If I don't get an A on this test, I am a complete failure.”

“I fought with my husband; we will never be able to communicate well”

2. Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization involves making broad interpretations of a single event. If something bad happens once, our overgeneralizing thoughts will tell us that this will happen again and again. These thoughts also lead an entire experience to be clouded by one negative event or situation. This distortion often uses words like “always” or “never”

Examples…

"I didn't get the job I wanted. I'll never be successful in my career.”

“I’m late for work, and now I hit traffic…. Nothing EVER goes my way!”

3. Mental Filtering

This distortion involves focusing solely on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive ones. Even if there are more positive aspects than negative in a situation or person, you focus on the negatives exclusively while “filtering” out any of the positive ones. One of the main consequences of this negative self-talk is a powerful reduction in our own self-esteem.

Examples…

“My boss told me I did a good job, but I made a mistake during my presentation, so it was a total disaster.”

“I got an A in most of my classes, but I got a C in science; I’m such a bad student”

4. Discounting the Positive

Discounting positives is similar to mental filtering. The main difference is that you dismiss it as something of no value when you do think of positive aspects. With this distortion,  positive experiences or feedback from others are rejected or minimized. The result of this is that we tend to reinforce the negative beliefs we have about ourselves and others; beliefs that are often not based in fact.

Examples…

"Anyone could have done that; it was nothing special" after receiving praise for an accomplishment.

“Everyone said I did well during the work meeting; they must be being polite’

5. Catastrophizing

When we default to expecting the worst-case scenario to happen and blow things out of proportion, we are catastrophizing. It’s important to clarify that considering the consequences and potential outcomes of decisions or life events is a regular part of thinking things through. On the other hand, if you find yourself ruminating about the worst possible outcome, no matter how improbable, you’re likely catastrophizing. This cognitive distortion often comes with “what if” questions.

Examples…

"If I don't do well on this project, I'll lose my job, and then I'll end up homeless.”

“What if they haven’t called because they got into a terrible accident!?”

6. Emotional Reasoning

When we use emotional reasoning, we tend to believe that something is true because it feels true, regardless of evidence. With this cognitive distortion, we believe the feelings ARE facts. Emotional reasoning leads you to believe that the way you feel is a reflection of reality. Additionally, this might lead us to believe that our feelings are somehow indicators of future events.

Examples…

"I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure.”

“I woke up feeling so anxious today; I just know something bad is going to happen”

7. Should Statements

Using "should" statements to set rigid expectations often leads to guilt or frustration.  Other common forms of “should” are “could,” “would,” and “ought”. As cognitive distortions, “should” statements are subjective “rules” you set for yourself and others without considering all facts of a circumstance. When our inner critic takes on this voice, we often tell ourselves that things “should” be a certain way or our behavior “should” be a certain way without consideration for what we may want (or not want). We may believe we’re trying to motivate ourselves with these statements, but, in reality, this often leads to feeling upset with ourselves.

Examples…

“I should go to the gym 7 days a week”

"I should always be able to handle my problems without help.”

8. Labeling and Mislabeling

Using the thought distortion of labeling means that we attach a negative label to ourselves or others based on one behavior or incident. When we label, we take a single attribute and translate it into an absolute fact or trait, making it an extreme form of overgeneralization. This form of distorted thinking towards ourselves leads to reduced self-esteem and confidence, which often results in feelings of anxiety. Moreover, when we apply this to others, we often unfairly judge without paying attention to context.

Examples…

“My colleague submitted their report late; they are obviously useless”

“I forgot to set my alarm last night; I’m so irresponsible.”

9. Personalization

When we Personalize, we blame ourselves for events outside of our control or take responsibility for the negative behavior of others. When we fall into this cognitive distortion, we assume everything is about us. Not only that but when we personalize, we truly believe that we are responsible for things that are often out of our control, including other people’s behavior. This often leads to feelings of unwarranted guilt and reduced self-compassion.

Examples…

“My friend seems upset; I must have done something wrong.”

“They shared that they are trying to eat better; they must think I am unhealthy.”

Understanding and recognizing these common thought distortions is crucial for improving your mental health and well-being. By identifying these biased ways of thinking, you can begin to challenge and change them, leading to more balanced and rational thoughts. Cognitive-behavioral techniques, mindfulness, and self-compassion are valuable tools to help counteract these distortions and promote healthier thinking patterns. Check out my next article on TOOLS you can use to challenge these common cognitive distortions.